Sometimes, in order to take a short break from my work without completely switching gears, I watched Eddy. He was  interesting, and frequently funny. He was a laid back, go with the flow, stoner kind of dude, and his responses to most things were honest and a little goofy. 

 

Today, though.. he was visiting Nathan.  I remembered Louis [Louie] accusing Marcy of doing something to him, (I’d actually been about to check on that when I noticed Andrew arguing aggressively with the air) and I had a sinking feeling that I was about to find out what. 

 

I considered watching something else, but I didn’t.  My feelings about things weren’t usually so strong that I had to avoid them, so the urge was intriguing by itself.  What was I afraid of?  And more importantly, why would I not want to know?  This was valuable information. 

 

Eddy wandered into Nathan’s house. He looked around as though he’d never been there before, or.. maybe like he was being drawn by something.  

 

That was it. 

 

He was following something intangible that I couldn’t see or hear. He stepped carefully, and cast his gaze about, and stopped frequently as though listening hard for something. 

 

He pulled open a door and suddenly I could hear the faint sound of sobbing through my speakers. Eddy bolted down a set of wooden stairs that I assume led to the basement. He stopped at the bottom and stared at Nathan. 

 

The basement was dimly lit and crowded with old but cushy-looking furniture. Nathan was curled into a ball around a pillow at one end of the couch.  One corner of the pillow was in his mouth, and I could see him bite down on it when a fresh wave of tears passed through him. 

 

Eddy approached slowly. “Can you hear me?” He asked. 

 

Nathan didn’t respond. 

 

Eddy sat down on the couch next to him. He just watched silently for a little while, then he spoke again. “Hey you should smoke that jay you got behind your ear.”

 

Nathan took a deliberate breath and unfolded himself a little. His eyes rested on the coffee table in front of him. Slowly he reached out to grab a lighter from its surface and then the joint from behind his ear. 

 

He smoked silently. His eyes remained fixed on the edge of the coffee table. When he was high enough to forget about the burning roach between his fingers he noticed Eddy. I saw him bristle, but he was too stoned to visibly panic much more than that. 

 

“Who’re you?” He asked without moving. 

 

“Oh hey,” Eddy said with a smile, “I’m Eddy.”

 

“Are you...?”

 

“I’m like... a ghost or something?”

 

“Oh.” Nathan blinked slowly. “Okay.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“Um.”  Nathan furrowed his brow and shook his head. 

 

“You don’t wanna talk about it, huh?”

 

Nathan frowned and tears brimmed his eyes again. 

 

“That’s ok,” Eddy said. “You need a hug?”

 

Nathan immediately turned and wrapped his arms around Eddy. His face was smushed into Eddy’s chest. Eddy folded himself around Nathan and held him tight while he dissolved. 

 

“It’s okay,” Eddy said. “I mean, I dunno what happened, but it’s okay.”  He moved his hands soothingly across Nathan’s body. “It’s not gonna feel like this forever. Nothing stays the same for long.”

 

“I-I don’t know what I did!” Nathan pulled back enough to un-smush his face. “She’s *so mad*,” he cried, “and I dunno *why*!  She said it’s all my fault, but I dunno *how*!”

 

Eddy placed his hand on the back of Nathan’s head and held him a little tighter. He rocked from side to side and murmured under his breath. I couldn’t hear the words, but the soft tones were soothing.  When he spoke clearly again he said, “did she hurt you?”

 

Nathan shuddered violently in response and crawled fully into Eddy’s lap.  Eddy shifted position to accommodate him. 

 

“Shh,” He cooed, “you’re okay now. It’s over. You’re okay.”

 

“I’ve never been so fucking scared before!”  Nathan’s voice cracked and squeaked, and his claws dug into Eddy’s flesh. 

 

Eddy gasped and squeezed Nathan even tighter. “It’s okay,” he said again. “It’s ok to be scared.”

 

“I don’t like it!” Nathan sobbed. 

 

“That’s ok too,” Eddy said. 

 

“Dude are you ok?”

 

I lifted my head and jerked away from my computer screen. “Yes. What?  Why?  What’s up?”

 

Andrew switched on the light. “Dude.  You’re sitting in the dark, glued to your computer screen, crying.  I’m asking *you* what’s up.”

 

I blinked and touched my face. “Oh,” I remarked, and then noticed that I had a string of snot dangling from my nose. “Oh my god,” I muttered and cupped a hand under my face to contain the mess. 

 

Andrew spotted a box of tissues and handed them to me. “What are you watching?”

 

I pressed a tissue to my face with one hand and used the other to replay for Andrew what I’d just seen.  I focused on cleaning myself up instead of watching the video again, but what I could hear was still upsetting.  I remembered my brief instinct to turn my attention elsewhere when I realized where Eddy was, and I was wondering now if I should have listened. Now that I was aware of myself again I felt... I wasn’t certain but it was a lot and I couldn’t blot the tears away fast enough. 

 

Andrew paused the feed and spoke. “Ok so that’s upsetting, but you’re not usually so...” he searched for a word. 

 

“Emotional?”  I filled in the blank. “I know!  I’m a little wigged out by this!”

 

“Alright. You’re taking a break.” Andrew said. “Follow.”

 

He walked out of my computer room and I followed after him.  He led me to the kitchen and I sat at the table. Reggie and Jack were hanging out in the living room, but they were preoccupied by each other and I don’t think they even noticed us. 

 

“You seem better,” I said. 

 

“Yea, it’s a lot easier to deal with when I know what’s happening.”  Andrew opened my fridge and poked around. He set a cold bottle of water down in front of me and took a seat across the table. “You ok?”

 

I pressed my fingertips to the chilled plastic and stared through the water. “I’m... I don’t know.”

 

“Can you describe how you feel right now?” Andrew asked. 

 

“Sort of... tired,” I answered. 

 

“Water works better if you drink it, bro,” he said and nodded pointedly to the bottle of water I was staring at. 

 

“Yea..” I said. My head felt like it was stuffed full of cotton.  My arms felt heavy and my fingers felt clumsy. I got the lid off the bottle after fumbling around with it for what felt like a long time. 

 

Andrew watched me.   

 

I lifted the bottle with both hands and took a sip. 

 

“When was the last time you actually slept?” 

 

I thought about that for a moment. Everything blurred together. I was consumed with my work, and I couldn’t  remember doing anything else for... well for a while. But there was *so much* data to sort through. Sleep often felt like a waste of time. When I did bother to sleep it was usually fitful.  

 

“I think it was right before you and Jack came here.” I said. 

 

“Oh holy shit dude,” Andrew said, “you need to sleep. Like right now.”

 

“Naw man it’s fine. I just need coffee. Or.. something stronger than coffee.  Sleep is for chumps,” I laughed. 

 

Andrew waited patiently for me to stop chucking at myself before he declared, “No.”

 

“Ok look. I don’t sleep well,” I argued. “It’s boring. I just lay there thinking about work anyway, so I may as well just keep working.  It’s not a big deal. I just need to—“

 

“Dude. No.” Andrew was unyielding. “Y’look like a drunk baby tryin’a get that water open just now.  I would argue that it’s a pretty big deal.”

 

I just looked at him for a long time. I couldn’t think of anything to say. My face felt... fuzzy.  My vision blurred a little. 

 

“You are *literally* falling asleep sitting here.”

 

I blinked. 

 

“Ok man. I’m not gonna make you go to your bed, but you need to rest.”  Andrew got up from the table. “C’mon.”

 

I followed him into the living room and sank down into the chair he gestured to. 

 

“Hey,” I heard him greet Reggie and Jack. 

 

“Hey guys,” Reggie hummed, “what’s up?”

 

“Seth is an insomniac and he hasn’t slept since before I met him.” Andrew said dryly. 

 

“Oh snap,” Jack commented. “He should smoke some’a this.”

 

My eyes were half closed, but I felt someone press a glass pipe into my hand. I blinked, and sat up, and took the lighter that was offered directly in my line of sight. I fumbled with it for a second before I got all my fingers to do the right things in the right order. 

 

The cotton in my head started to tingle pleasantly almost immediately. The heaviness in my eyelids deepened.  Somebody’s hands took the pipe and the lighter from me as I fell back into my chair. The cushions enveloped me and I felt like I was slowly sinking into the upholstery.  

 

I listened to them talk, Reggie, Jack, and Andrew. Their voices seemed far away and I couldn’t really make out the words. The rhythm of their speech was soothing, and I just listened to their unintelligible murmuring for a long time until I wasn’t anymore. 

 

I dreamed that I was walking. It was mostly Void. Sometimes there was a road. Sometimes there were things that I walked past but couldn’t really see. After a while I saw something in the distance. It was a light. Yellow, at first, then yellow and blue as I got closer.  Then I was walking on sand, and the ocean was in front of me. 

 

There was a boy playing in the surf, and then.. I *was* the boy playing in the surf. 

 

I looked up from the shell I was chasing as the tide sucked it out into deeper water. There was a white figure approaching me and I felt apprehensive.  The sun reflected off of it so brightly that I could barely look at it. 

 

A wave barreled through me suddenly and I was toppled in the water. A hand grabbed me and pulled me out, but when I was clear of the water it kept pulling.  

 

It hurt. 

 

I cried. 

 

I felt the blinding white figure tear something out of me. I could hear it crying too- the piece of me that was now separate. It begged to stay. I begged to keep it. 

 

I woke with a jolt. I was sitting up in my bed and my face was wet. 

 

I thought about Nathan. 

 

I groaned, and crawled out of bed, and zombied my way out of my room.  Jack and Andrew were sitting in the living room. Andrew looked up. 

 

“How long was I asleep?”

 

Andrew shrugged. “Felt like a while.”

 

“Cool, Cool... you guys wanna get back to work?”

 

Jack sighed. “I *guess*.”

 

Andrew rolled his eyes. “*Some*body’s a workaholic.”  He slapped Jack’s knee as he stood up and said, “c’mon, Jack.”

 

I shuffled into my computer room and flopped into my chair with a heavy sigh.   That dream was still clinging to me and I couldn’t shake it.  I needed to work. I needed something to focus on. 

 

“So what are we up to today?” Andrew asked as he and Jack crowed in behind me. 

 

“Uuuuh.. let’s do something sort of... easy. Just walk through the Void, with no intention, and see what happens.”  I looked over my shoulder at them. “Andrew, tell me if you start feelin’, um..”

 

“Delusional?”

 

“Yep.  I’ll bring you right back.”

 

“Kay.   C’mon, Jack.”

 

Andrew opened the door and I turned to look at them again. “Maintain physical contact!”  I called after them. 

 

Andrew lifted his and Jack’s hand above their heads. “Got it!” Andrew hollered as the door swung shut behind him. 

 

I watched them on my screen and absently tapped my finger on the surface of my desk. I couldn’t stop thinking about that dream. 

 

I could still feel it. 

 

Some intangible part of me ached.

 

“Do either of you know Nathan?” I asked, interrupting some chatter I wasn’t paying attention to. 

 

“I know Nathan,” Jack answered. “Why?”

 

“I.. found something. I think Marcy hurt him.”

 

“Oh yeah, Seth,” Andrew said, “I’ve seen that other guy before. Eddy?  I think... I thought he was a hallucination.”

 

“Oh!  Right!  He mentioned you one time-”

 

“Uh, guys?” Jack spoke up again. “Nathan?  Is he, like, okay?”

 

“Uuuuh,” Andrew and I both droned in unison. 

 

“He’s kind of freaked out right now,” I said “but he’ll probably be.. fine.”  I didn’t sound as convincing as I wanted to. I was worried, and I wasn’t used to feeling this deeply concerned about a person I didn’t really know. 

 

I watched the footage of what Marcy did to Jack, and I didn’t feel this concerned for him.  I had an understanding of his needs in regard to the trauma, and I tried to be mindful of him, but I wasn’t preoccupied the way I was with Nathan.  

 

I opened another window and put Nathan’s feed in it to help dull the roaring in my brain.  I was only 20 percent with Andrew and Jack anyway. They weren’t doing anything potentially risky. They were just wandering the Void. 

 

Everyone wanders the Void. 

 

Nathan was still in the basement, but Eddy wasn’t there anymore. There was music playing, which seemed like a good sign. Nathan was one with the couch. He stared at the ceiling, motionless, except for the tip of his tail which flicked to the rhythm of his music. 

 

That intangible ache only seemed to deepen as I watched, but I couldn’t make myself stop. 

 

“Seth!  Hello?!  Did you fall asleep or something?”  Andrew’s voice crashed through my thoughts. 

 

“No!  Sorry!  What— what’s up?”

 

“Dude.”

 

“Sorry, guys. My bad.”

 

“Everything good, Seth?”  Andrew questioned. 

 

He and Jack had come across a door and they were clearly waiting for me to give them an instruction. 

 

“Yea. Yea. I’m.. I just need coffee. Don’t touch that door yet. I’ll be *right* back.”

 

I sprinted to the kitchen and grabbed a cold coffee from the fridge. I drank half of it in one breath, then grabbed another  to bring with me. “C’mon, Seth,” I muttered to myself, “get it together.”

 

“Ok!” I said as I returned to my computer. My gaze flickered from Jack and Andrew, to Nathan, and back again. “Let’s find out what’s behind door number one!”

 

“There *is* only one door,” Andrew said. 

 

“Yea. That still makes it number one,” I quipped. 

 

“Ok but you don’t need to number things that there’s only one of-“

 

“Oh my god, Andrew, just open the fucking door, okay?”  I snapped.